Ok, so...I'm mostly writing this for myself.
To keep myself accountable.
But if this is able to help inspire anyone else out there who is also struggling with something similar...that's cool too!
Here's something you probably don't know about me...
I'm addicted to video games!
That's right....By day Im an illustrator....but at night...IM A GAMER!
(Except for...it's backwards... I usually draw at night...game during the day...sleep never.)
And No one cares but....Here's how it happened.....
About 3 years ago some of my friends started playing a new mobile video game together (It's PubG Yes I'm embarrassed too...) I joined my friend on a sleepover because she was having a really hard time in her life at the moment.
While on the sleepover she introduced me to a new game she and other of my friends had been playing. It was so fun and scary and exciting! (Yeah, ok! I know pubg is lame, but I wasn't used to playing other games so I didn't know any better....) It took our minds right out of all the hard things we were going through!
Before then I had never been one to play many video games. I would sometimes watch my brother play, he would get very addicted sometimes and I always thought it was kinda silly how much he would play. But he would recognize it and then would take long breaks because he knew it wasn't very good for him.
Long story short...overtime, I became addicted to playing video games too. I think addiction runs in my family. I'm pretty sure if I were to drink alcohol I would probably be an alcoholic, no joke. So I'm so glad I was raised in a home where we don't drink. (Also for religious purposes.)
So for the past couple of years I've been slowly getting more and more addicted to playing video games. The truth is...I'm freaking good at it. haha! Any game I play, I will get so addicted to it that I just learn to play it really well and it feels good to be good at things, you know? I think it must be some symptom of my ADHD...I think it's a good thing sometimes, like it's the reason I got into drawing and writing and I had periods in my life where I was so addicted to that and that's how I got really good at it.
Something that started as a destresser is quickly becoming the thing that stresses me out! I've realized more and more how excessive gaming has started to affect my personal and professional life. It's becoming really tiring to feel like I'm tied down to playing games. Sure, sometimes it's a social thing, because I get to talk to my friends that live far away through the games and it's fun to hang together in the virtual world....but I think I do play a lot outside of that as well.
I've slowly started to realize that my strong passion for drawing and creating and writing has slowly been replaced for my passion for gaming....yes I know, it sounds so stupid. But it's the reality I'm living in right now. I still love writing but....I don't feel that buring passion like I've ALWAYS had it. And I've been trying to figure out how to get it back...and I think the solution will be...to make time for it again.
And you're probably wondering...but don't you have a super busy Webtoon job and other projects that you work on all the time?! You clearly get all those things done because we see you post it every week and on your instagram too! You can't be that addicted to gaming! Right? Well, yeah, who knows! Somehow I still get everything turned in right on time...I've taught myself to work very very quickly....but any extra time...you bet I waste all of it playing games....so ...my life feels like ...webtoon and GAMES .,,..that's all I do....
Boyfriend? nah, gaming!
Get a dog? naaaah, gaaaming!
Get married?? noooaaah, game game game!
Tonight, 4 am as I'm writing this... I suddenly had the biggest desire to quit. I'm tired. I have so many things I wish I could do instead but for some reason, some part of my brain says....no! Why would you do that other thing when you can go play games? Come on, just one more round! Ok, we lost...one more! ....
I'm tired.
And I think I have so much potential that I'm wasting away playing games....so dumb!
Ok, this is kinda silly but....I remember watching some random video on youtube. It was Mr. Beast talking about how he got where he was. He said that it all started when he made the decision that he wanted to reach his goal to become a big successful YouTuber and he decided that he had to quit video games forever because it was such a time waster and now he was able to accomplish so much. And look at where he is now!
That's when I realized that successful people don't sit around wasting all their time playing video games. They set goals, sacrifice time to work on them, don't waste time on things that lead to nothing! right?
Anyways...yeah, Mr. Beast inspired me to quit gaming....lol. And I think I want to try it out! I want to get my passion for writing again! I want to see how much more I can accomplish in one year.
Yes, you read that right. I want to set my goal for ONE YEAR WITHOUT VIDEO GAMES.
I mean, I guess eventually the goal is to quit forever cuz like....why do it at all, right? But I think setting a year goal sounds more doable than....forever!
I remember quitting sodas for two years once and it felt possible because it wasn't forever it was just....two years! so..
WILL I MAKE IT?! WHO KNOOOOOOWS!! ....but you never know until you try! :D
So here's what I'm gonna do to try to achieve my goal:
COMMIT TO QUIT FOR A WHOLE YEAR!
Tell all my friend and family. "DON'T YOU DARE INVITE ME TO GAME!"
Find new Hobby to replace it with.
Uninstall all my games.
Find that passion in my work like I used to have before games.
Pray to my Heavenly Father for strength, cuz....HE KNOWS I CAN'T DO THIS ALONE!
So yeah....I'll keep you updated on the new hobby I'm gonna try to pick up.
I'm debating wether I should pick working out or reading...or writing? I dunno...I'll let you know....
It's gotta be something where I can do it quickly at home cuz when I get anxious about things I turn to gaming cuz its so easy and accessible...it's gotta be like that! .....
Any who, if you made it this far into reading this....woah, you have no life...HAHA nooo, JUST KIDDING! Just kidding...XD XD ...Sorry....I just think this was stupidly written and no one cares. But like I said, I'm writing this for myself and telling you just to keep myself accountable.
Thanks for reading and wish me luck! :D
Love,
Ingrid